January 17, 2007
Post by Justin n. Smith
Living under the moonlight for over 30 years now, I have learned many things. I have made mistakes, but I have also made brilliant discoveries. It is as a direct result of these mistakes and discoveries that I bring you these words: Beware the Devil Pussy!
The Devil Pussy comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors (not so much the pussy itself as the beholder of the pussy). Here's how it all breaks down. You probably already know the Devil Pussy, because the Devil Pussy comes back again and again. Sometimes the Devil Pussy comes back after more than 10 years. When the Devil Pussy comes sniffing around, it will do research. It will talk to the people you know, it will wait for the right time, then, it will make contact. When it makes contact with you, it will pretend as if everything has always been fine between you both. It will act as if it has been your long lost friend and that it is excited to find you after all this time. The Devil Pussy will appear to care about you and how you've been all these years. If you fall into this trap, and respond to the Devil Pussy, even if it's just to be nice, you have now just fucked yourself forever!
After this, the Devil Pussy will think you are friends again and everything is fine. So what's next, you ask? You'll be at home sleeping in on a Saturday morning dreaming about all the things you're going to buy in Lafayette and West Lafayette later that day, and then it happens. You are awakened by a knock on your front door. You wonder, who the fuck would be knocking at your door on a Saturday morning?! No one called, and you weren't expecting anyone, so who the fuck is knocking on your door?! You guessed it, it's the Devil Pussy, now the only thing between you and the Devil Pussy is about one and a half inches of wood (you can take that how you like) and your desire to continue sleeping. However, if you do not answer the knock of the Devil Pussy, it will use it's super powers to figure out which window is your bedroom window and it will proceed to tap on the fucking thing until you get up and answer the door.
Once you open the door, looking as if you've just been rudely awakened by a Devil Pussy, the Devil Pussy will act as if it is sorry for waking you, and it will tell you that it will leave if you want it to, but the Devil Pussy knows damn well that you are too much of a pussy yourself to tell it to go fuck itself. Now the Devil Pussy is in your home, the one place you thought was safe from the horrors of the rest of the world. So now what are you going to do? I will tell you exactly what you are going to do. You are going to listen to the Devil Pussy lay it on thick about how it is not happy in it's current relationship and how things were much better with you. Then, you'll probably watch a movie or TV, in a vain attempt to draw attention away from the fact that the Devil Pussy is rambling on about crazy shit and to attempt to draw attention away from how bad you still want to fuck the Devil Pussy. No matter what you do, eventually it will happen. You will think, fuck it, what have I got to lose? You want some action and you know all too well that the Devil Pussy wants some action. Then you dive right into it, you stupid lame fuck! Now you really are fucked forever! The Devil Pussy has you in it's clutches, or should I say Labia?
We all know where it goes from here. You keep fucking the Devil Pussy and it keeps fucking you. Sucking your life away, little by little. As the days, weeks, and months pass you realize you had it made before the Devil Pussy came back into your life. Your life will continue to spiral downward and the Devil Pussy will eventually get tired of sponging off you, at which point it will move on to some other 'nice guy' [poor bastard] that won't stick up for himself. The cycle continues, and rest assured, the Devil Pussy will be knocking on your door again, maybe sooner than you think.
Copyright 2007 Justin n. Smith
